Follow the signs

When you follow the right path for yourself, things tend to work out, fall in place, go smooth, flourish, energize, become pleasant surprises, etc.

When you're off that path, nothing goes your way, little misfortunes occur, you run out of energy and possibly get sick, you get desperate and your self-confidence is low.

What I'm describing are not causes, they are signs. Like a flash light sign: green - all is well, proceed; red - you're going the wrong way, stop!

Following these signs are not easy at first, but the more you pay attention, the better it gets. So it's doable. And they are personal - custom made for you! No other person can follow the same signs as you. No book can train you. But you certainly have all the capability to do it for yourself. Because you have all the answers. Within. Just pay attention.

Have fun. Every day is a new day for discoveries.

Deja vu

On my daily walk today, I was thinking happy thoughts. How life is beautiful even in the toughest moments and that I need to enjoy it now while I'm still alive. Because you never know what might happen tomorrow. We rush too quickly trough life, but where do we rush? If you're thinking success, think again. Because the end is the same for everyone. So please, don't rush. Enjoy! As much as possible. Because life is about the joy in our hearts!

Then I remembered that just some years ago, on a different walk, I had the same exact thoughts. Between these two walks passed a bunch of years and I completely forgot about them. Here I was assuming it's all fresh.

Then that feeling of deja vu reminded me of the previous walk. And I remembered another period of my life when I lived these thoughts. Those were very happy moments in my life!

It seems to me that I forget these thoughts only to have them come back periodically and remind me of what's important. And I'm thankful. And I want to remember always and never forget. Because I want to evolve in other ways, not discover same things over and over again. Hence this post. (Westworld's remember!)

Except I don't want to remember. I want to live it by default without ever thinking about it to begin with. And this is a habit. A habit that needs to be formed. Patiently, over time. Until then, enjoy!

13 phrases for living by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I love you not for whom you are,
but who i am when i'm by your side.

No person deserves your tears,
and who deserves them won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you as you wish,
it doesn't mean you're not loved with all his/her being.

A true friend is the one,
who hold your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is,
to be seated by him/her and know you'll never have him/her.

Never stop smiling not even when you're sad,
someone might fall in love with your smile.

You may only be a person in this world,
but for someone you're the world.

Don't spend time with someone,
who doesn't care spending it with you.

Maybe God wants you to meet many wrong people,
before you meet the right one,so when it happens you'll be thankful.

Dont cry because it came to an end,
smile because it happened.

There will always be people who'll hurt you,
so you need to continue trusting, just be careful.

Become a better person and be sure to know who you are,
before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are.

Don't struggle so much,
best things happen when not expected.

The tricks of the mind

I am not friends with my feelings, although I have made progress in the past 15 years. Some are easy to identify and deal with, but some are still quite elusive. I feel quite lost when my feelings are all over the place and even ashamed, because I don't know how to control them.

But, that's the work of the brain with beliefs on top of beliefs that being angry is not o.k., feeling sadness needs to be remedied right away or as fast as possible, guilt is chased with extra acts of kindness and generosity, shame makes us run for the hills because it's impossible to live with it.

And boredom is the worst of all. The brain will do anything to get you out of feeling this one.

Yet, there's always something to learn out of feelings and boredom is often the predecessor of imagination at play. If we let it happen. But we don't. Not in this day and age when there is so much to watch, listen, read and play. Our poor senses don't have much time to rest.

Sitting still without a purpose doesn't happen unless it's done on purpose and we call it meditation. Even then, the brain doesn't shut up. He'll make you believe there's so much to do and time is running out.

Our computerized devices have become a second brain with all sorts of information at the fingertips that keep us occupied, entertained, immobile, hypnotized, anxious, hooked on these mind games.

Unplug. Take a deep breath. Relax the jaw. Feel your muscles around the body. Find that tension. Identify the feeling and just sit with it. You don't have to do a thing about it but recognize, yes, I'm feeling this. Give that feeling some room to exist. And give your brain a minivacation for the time being. Your body will be super grateful to you.

Personal

Lately, I've been eating more than usual.

I would like to say that I love food, more than I love being skinny, but that's not true. I'm eating because food brings me comfort and helps with my anxiety and stress. And I don't have much to stress about. Except money and figuring out a way of living. ( Figuring out what I want to do with my life next)

I'm not even sure what this stress is about. It should be fairly simple: get a job, any job that fits my schedule and start saving money. Then put into practice some of the ideas I'm having instead of reading stuff on the internet all day long.

Still, I'm a mess and the state of the house reflects that. Parts of me are not very clear on the direction I'm going towards. The truth is: I have no direction. And somehow that makes me anxious, which in turn makes me look for refuge in food. And that's not the worst thing. I'm just curious about this.

But I can't be curious forever if soon I won't fit in my clothes. I ain't got money to buy new ones and even if I did, I would rather still fit in my previous sizes.

The one thing I want to try is to observe those moments when I reach for the extra food, when it's beyond any pleasure and see if I can distract myself somehow else: dancing, meditating, fresh air, singing, etc. Maybe even observe the discomfort and live it ( if it's not too much on myself).

Good luck and remember: I love you, no matter the size and no matter how anxious or serene you are.

The right way, the wrong way and my way

The title should be enough, really. In many situations, humans get hang up about doing things the right way, scared of doing things the wrong way and rarely do they try to do things their way.

It makes sense why, because otherwise we'd have to reinvent the wheels over and over again. But once in a while, would it be o.k.? You'd say that's inefficient and that might be true, but progress happens only when someone tries to do things differently. As an accident. Out of pure stubbornness. Or out of despair, when nothing else works. Experimenting, for fun.

And it's refreshing. To think outside the box, to invent a new wheel, to put a new spin on the same old. Sometimes there is no right way or wrong way. There is a way that would tickle your fancy and that is the way you dare to figure out for yourself. Let's be adventurous!

El dolce far niente

In our American society, el dolce far niente comes with a price. The price is our guilt, because we are not accustomed to just sit around and enjoy an idle moment.

There is always something to do and not only that, but we're looking to be efficient and multitask. We're proud of this quality of ours and display it as a badge of honor. We're constantly on the go and chase the next best thing rarely thinking what is it that we're chasing. In the end, where is this taking us? (Aren't we all going to end up in the same place anyway?)

This sounds cliché, but if it has stoped you in your tracks, I'm glad. I really want to talk about this guilt we feel for no apparent reason.

Doing nothing is what we seek to begin with, but it's like we need permission to do it. Permission from whom? From selves? From someone else? And who might that be?

The way I see it, if you decide to do nothing, might as well enjoy it fully, without any guilt or remorse. Without the internal dialogue of "I should be doing something or something else" that's poisoning our mood and self-esteem.

If you really immerse yourself fully into enjoying your "far niente" time - surprise! you will discover how much that rejuvenates you and connects you to your senses.

But if you spend this time with guilt, you neither relaxed, nor accomplished anything "productive."

Ditch the guilt, keep the joy! That is my new motto!

We all need love

Seems that one subject I can never tire out writing about and thinking about is love. Until in sinks in in my bones and in the deepest spot of my soul, it keeps repeating itself.

I thought that the highest purpose of life is to love and be a pure expression of God's love.

Love nature, people, ourselves, what we do, etc.

Love not because and not despite.

Simply love.

 And don't expect love in return, but shine love through always.

 Even love our failures and tears and shortcomings. Not in a way to brag about them, but in a compassionate way.

Sure enough when I gave myself over to that love feeling, my nostril opened up and I was able to get a gust of fresh, cool air. I always do when I'm out of my head and in the now moment, the feelings realm. (Feel more, think only when necessary)

Even in your most saddest, angriest, desperate, crazy times choose love. It always is a game changer.

Feeling vulnerable

In acting, feeling vulnerable, being authentic is the most important thing. You build a character only after you get access to this beautiful place. And my, when you have the chance to witness pure vulnerability, it's incredible. It's raw, honest, indeering, scary and touching. It's like seeing a human being naked, only still with clothes on. You get a glimpse of the soul.

In real life, humans are scared to be, feel or show vulnerability. It's only understandable. Who wants to be exposed so much?

But even when they are alone, in private, feeling vulnerable is not very welcomed. It is seen as weakness, instead of power. We dread facing our fears which of course, vulnerability will put front and center. Yet, facing our fears doesn't require of us to do a lot of work. It's just saying a shy "hi" at first. Acknowledge them. Feel them. Put our attention for a little while on the true feelings.

Am I mad, or is it sadness that's underneath it all? Am I really not loved, or I'm anxious and I have no clue how to cope with that? Do I feel lost, but hopeful or on the edge of despair?

When you do that, your feelings start to melt and transform. You reach the spot called unconditional love, where no matter how you feel about yourself, you're o.k. Accepting who you truly are and showing yourself to another person without any apologies, clinginess or attitude -  this is vulnerability. It's bittersweet and rich. Like chocolate. And just like chocolate, it gives you so much pleasure! The pleasure of knowing and loving yourself. I dare you to give yourselves over to vulnerability at least once a week. You'll make some amazing discoveries!

Spending the last money

What a human being will spend his last money on says a lot about him. His character, his interests.
It will say more then when the opposite happens: there's plenty of money to spend on all sorts of things, like charity and projects to make the world a better place.

This is my little observation for the day. I'm not sure what this information is good for, but it came to my attention. There must be a lesson in there for me.

Abundance Year

At the beginning of each year, I choose a certain word that I want to define that coming year. 2013 was declaired my abundance year.

I needed to gain some insight into what abundance really meant for me and how will I get what I want and if, in the end, what I want is what I really need.

I didn't set any goals except listen to my guidance and see where it takes me and what discoveries I make along the way.

In that spirit, my year started with the subject of minimalism and it felt so good and wholesome, that I completely embraced it. I cleaned my apartment and gave a lot of my belongings away. I have done more then one round of de-cluttering.

 Letting go seemed painful at times, as I've created some strong bonds with my things. It doesn't get easier with time (as other people claim), but it does feel liberating. I've only regretted getting rid of two things: my diary with memories about my first love and an old leather coat with a very unique style.

Still, isn't it ironic that my abundance year very quickly became my minimalist year? It totally conquered me and I'm a huge fan of it since. I apply it to my clothes, my books, my furniture, my appliances, you name it. This is when I discovered that LESS IS MORE!

I discovered a whole movement and tons of bloggers and Dominique Loreau and Zero Waste Home and ...the list is so long. I was hooked!

Fast forward almost 4 years later and I can say that that year alone had a huge impact on who I am today, my desires, my values and my choices. I have not yet mastered the kind of minimalism I aspire to, but I'm totally happy for all the things I've changed and gained as a result of it.

P.S. I could write about these things, but maybe in a different post. This one was a reminder about a particular year and what came to be of it.

Give your movement a direction

I always achieved those things where I was very clear on what I was trying to do, when it needs to get done and what was it for. These weren't the most important things in life, but they got done.

One event was super important: I needed to save money before I give birth to my child. To my surprise, I was able to save more than I initially planned and still lived comfortably. I was so clear on what I was saving for and the amount I needed, that I made it happen without any effort.

When I heard someone use the expression "rise to the challenge", it reminded me of the fact that we're capable of accomplishing more then we think we can if we have something as a guide to look up to.

A famous chef rised up to the challenge of having the best restaurant in his country only after he worked at the best restaurant in the world. He was able to get beyond the standard only after he experienced a new one.

When you don't know where to start, look for the best in the domain you're interested in and go after that. That will give you direction. Once you have that going, new possibilities seem to come up on their own because your desire and work are attracting them. And that's a fact.

So don't dwell too much on picking the direction, just choose one, stick with it and see where that will take you. You can always start anew if you choose so.

Looking for beauty

Beauty is enchanting and inspirational. It elevates and leaves you in awe. It decorates our lives and brings joy. It has the power to make us smile and cry and love. It can change everything for us.

It can be found anywhere and it doesn't have to be expensive. Anything created with a touch of beauty has instantly more appeal.

It can be whimsical and simple, fresh and wild, sophisticated and ephemeral. Magical. The expression of pure creativity.

Look for it, appreciate it, live with it, love it! Then make it your soul's expression. You're beautiful, embrace that!

Being honest with yourself

I used to think that lying in order to save yourself from an embarrassing or horrible situation is a must! I couldn't understand those people who would rather go to jail then bend the truth a bit.

I grew up and figured out the value of honesty. It's something that no one can take away from you and often, it can make or break a reputation when dealing with people. What about when dealing with yourself?

If you think you're already honest with yourself, think again. Being truly honest takes a lot of courage and self-knowledge. Also, acceptance!

It's easy to be honest about positive and neutral things, a little harder about unpleasant ones and really hard about the ugly, looked down upon by society, stuff. In some cases, it's almost next to impossible because identifying with the ugly stuff is equal to signing a death petition.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Accepting something, no matter how crazy or hard it may be, is offering half of the solution. Knowing your stands, accepting the truth takes the conflict within you away and keeps your perception of self realistic and whole. Yes, I am anxious. Yes, I am insecure. Yes, I'm prone to mood swings. Once I acknowledge my many facets, I can give them my attention and work with them. Or they work with you because they are no longer dismissed.

No one can manipulate you and shame you for these feelings/thoughts/actions because a wholesome person can not be shamed.

Accepting your strengths/dreams/interests is also a step ahead. Yes, I want to be a writer. Yes, I am good at making stories up. Yes, minimalism is something that fascinates me, even if no one around me cares about it.

Only by being honest to yourself you get to understand yourself. You get to be yourself! Are you ready?

Parallel worlds

Today was a day when I saw clearly how people live in their own worlds and also parallel worlds. Had it not been for a certain event, I would never know about these people who's views and lifestyle are different from mine.

Isn't that curious how we attract and stick to those people who we sympathize with and who are very much like us?

If these worlds ever collide, one side can not acknowledge the other simply because it's such a foreign thing to do.

P. S. I googled the words "parallel worlds" and it showed a book with the same title. It sounds fascinating. I plan on getting and reading it.

Desires

I've got lots of them. I'd ask who doesn't, but that's not what I want to talk about.

There are material desires - have all sorts of things (from shoes, to cars, to homes, etc.), desires for experiences - do a bunch of stuff (create, open my own business, learn to play guitar, enjoy a fire at the beach with friends, etc.), desires related to personality features - (be a writer and an actress, be wiser, be happy, etc.).

The easiest to spot and keep tabs on, for me, are the material ones, because they arise out of very specific needs and moments. I'm hungry, I want food. I'll go for sushi because either I crave a particular flavor or my neighbor recommended a place. I need clothes, I'll scour stores to find what I have in mind or wing it. My family doesn't fit in a rental, time to buy a house. You get the gist.

Doing stuff is my favorite, yet I don't quite follow these desires. They require a higher level of energy, dedication, skill, willingness to stick to it. When I do it, it gives me empowerment and satisfaction. But mostly, my enthousiasm dwindles half way through. Must have not really wanted to do it to begin with, right? Because something we truly care about, we find ways to get it or make it come true.

Being, they say, is the most important of them all. You start by envisioning who you want to be and only then you gradually move on to doing and having.

This sounds great when you're clear on your desires. But that's not always the case. Some desires are so hidden and take such a twisted form, no wonder it's easy to get confused. These twisted desires, I say, are the ones to pay attention more closely.

Do they come from a genuine place or are they dictated by society? Do they serve you or someone else? Do they matter to you personally or are they based on other people's opinion? Watch out for all desires aimed at pleasing other people.

Take your time to learn your desires, no matter how crazy or impossible they seem. You might learn something about yourself that you're missing otherwise. Here's an example: the desire to be liked by everyone. It comes from a very insecure place. When you are in tune with yourself, when you like yourself without seeking anyone else's approval, such a desire does not even exist.

If you catch yourself having such a desire, look at it closely, examine it - there's much you can do besides feeling insecure. You can ask more questions: why I want this? What's the feature I'd like to be liked for? What am I willing to do to get what I want? When you look closely, you might realize this wish is not worth spending your energy on. Or that the true wish is that you simply want to feel good about yourself.

The main idea I've been trying to point to is that our desires are important clues to understanding ourselves. Use them.

Regrets

I always thought I'm living my life without any regrets, because I wouldn't change a thing in my life so far. People regret not doing or doing a certain step that would benefited or that ruined them in the long run, but then that regret sounds more like an excuse to me. If such a regret really matters to you, then do something about it.

Of course, we can't turn back time and if we could, most likely we'd do same mistakes again because at the moment of that choice, we were in a certain mood, we lacked proper experience, our circumstances dictated our behavior. There's so much more involved then a mere choice.

From that perspective, we can only look towards the future after learning from our mistakes. Even then, every experience we have is different and to act out based on a previous encounter narrows down a lot of other options. I'd rather take the lesson from that experience, incorporate into my worldview of variables and only treat it as a potential, not a given for the future.

And here I am, catching myself having tons of regrets. Telling someone a secret that was entrusted to me without permission, not being kind when someone needs it most, including myself, not paying full attention to people when they are telling me something. I feel like half way through I've turned my ear away to think about what I'm going to say next. Not being present. Not trusting my intuition. Shutting my real feelings away and more. Listing all of them would take a long time.

Having these kind of regrets makes me pause and think it over, tune in to myself, to that little voice that wants me to be honest and accountable. Having mulled over a regret, it's much easier to deal with similar situations from a more creative and peaceful place. This is the true purpose of regrets in my opinion.

Let your regrets be the beginning of something beautiful, not the end of a disaster.

Our thoughts

If our thoughts repeat themselves from previous days up to 90%, it makes sense to observe them and if possible, pick different topics and interests to direct them towards.

I have definitely noticed coming back to same thoughts even though I have resolved the situation in my mind to let it go.

I decided to try and bypass thoughts even for a little bit, which is unbelievably hard to do. But when, for a split second, I manage, I feel a lightness and calmness inside me that I never get to experience when I'm in my head.

I hope to get more clarity on my thoughts and how I can manage to get off "the same thoughts every day" loop.

This post is a reminder for me to keep watching my internal dialogue and to sit and do the practice of meditation once in while.

Re-purpose

Give a second life to something.

 A creative way to deal with stuff.

Stuff that are no longer needed, but are so hard to let go off. Not everyone struggles with it, but I sure did at the beginning of my first rounds of decluttering and still am, to a certain degree. I've gotten better though at letting go.

Another  solution I came up with was to re-use as much as possible.

Take clothes for example. As I sorted through them, I separated them into little piles. A bunch of them were still in great condition, but not really loved and used. Then there was another pile: some of my beloved sweaters, warn so much, they no longer looked presentable. They carry so many memories and their warm colors are a pleasure to look at.

To salvage these clothes, I cut up one of my sweaters into a perfect rectangle and made a lovely decorative pillow out of it. It got stuffed with the unworn clothes.

I also had this cool and tiny tempurpedic pillow to use under my feet. The idea of it was great, but it never worked in practice. For years, it just sat in the corner, forgotten. Finally, I decided that it was time to give it another home. As I was preparing a nice package to give away, one of the cushions from the dining room chairs got so bet out of shape, I almost threw it away. The shell had holes and the filling kept poking out. The shell was worn, but the filling was still in good condition. That filling gave me an idea. I took apart my tempurpedic pillow and stuffed the foam part inside a round case designed by me when I was testing my sewing machine. The tempurpedic pillow's case got added to the round case, thus creating a contrast in color and texture with the fabric I used initially. The gaps were filled with the remaining cushion filling. The new, round, fun pillow is the comfiest and the most used pillow now. It's pleasant to look at, just as it is pleasant to use by all family members.

I know so far, both examples were about pillows. But I've made a lovely banner from an old sweater, a braided rug out of sheets that were too worn out, a bathroom rug out of an older towel, a doll and clothes for her, napkins and more.

The key is to use those things that give you joy and that's extremely hard to part with. Looking for ways to creatively re-use them, you not only extend their shelf life, but you also preserve memories that transform into new ones.

Here's to happy creative endeavors in reusing your beloved, hard-to-part, worn out things!